13 December 2022
I was recently discussing the effect of divorce with a close friend of mine who is a GP. I commented on the impact of separation and divorce on a client’s physical well-being and he pointed out that one question found in almost every health insurance application is ‘have you divorced or separated in the last two years?’. He claimed that the link between mental and physical health is indisputable.
Separating and divorcing is traumatic at the best of times. Your relationship is breaking down, your financial stability is threatened, your home might be taken away from you and perhaps most importantly you will also need to consider child arrangements.
Even in an amicable divorce, the consequences are huge but when a divorce involves a high-conflict personality the effects can be devastating. Although it’s convenient to use labels such as narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, or coercive control, the impact is often the same.
Some researchers estimate that 15-30% of marriages end due to a high-conflict, and the rest end in a low-conflict divorce.
Managing the process of divorce or separation if one (or both) party has such a personality is challenging. Specific strategies need to be adopted to minimise the impact on both parties and most importantly on the children.
I regularly read articles that suggest that when divorcing a person with a high-conflict personality, the objective of that person is not necessarily the best financial settlement or the best solution for their children. Their wish is often simply to annihilate the other.
This makes managing the process significantly more complex than just dealing with the legal aspects of the relationship breakdown. Whilst not requiring a qualification in psychotherapy, your lawyer needs a full understanding of the impact of a relationship breakdown involving a high-conflict personality.
Joint accounts will be closed without consent, credit cards will be cancelled, and children will be taken away without the others’ consent or alienated. The tactics of an individual with a high-conflict personality are numerous and destructive. All these need to be pre-empted and dealt with effectively.
Understanding the impact of dealing with such a person inevitably makes the process easier for our clients although it is unlikely that it will ever be referred to as easy.
Get in touch with Lucinda
Lucinda Holliday works closely with a team of psychotherapists and counsellors and has extensive experience and training on how to deal with high-conflict personalities in separation/divorce.
Lucinda is also local to Marlow and is located at the Blaser Mills Law office in Liston Court.
For a confidential chat with Lucinda, you can contact her directly on 01494 478 603 or email ljmh@blasermills.co.uk.